Pigskin, Religion & Tight Pants

Dear Tiffani,

OK.... I've always compared football to organized religion (sorry all you football fans) and well, organized religion is like, well, brainwashing, so what's all the hoopla about anyway? Is it just an American's way of ignoring reality for a few hours? Hey, listen, I realize we need to pass on all the world political mumbo jumbo once in awhile, no pun intended, but I mean, a bunch of guys in tight pants chasing pigskin?... jumping into a heap onto one another - poor bastard on the bottom! So, why are so many Americans so crazy about this sport anyway?
--Marcia

Dear Marcia,

The answer to your question may in fact lie in religion, lady. Remember the admonition that God worked building the world for six days and on the seventh He rested? Many have taken this to mean that we should rest on Sundays (though looking at my calendar, I cannot figure how Sunday became the seventh day). As time went on, more and more people used Sundays to play golf, riding in electric carts and occasionally hitting a ball. Purists claimed that this was not actually resting. Watching golf on TV was proposed; however, widespread sleep set in across the land. All of America could rest, sitting on couches and recliners, yet be "involved" in physically demanding sport, necessitating BBQ and beers for sustenance. How you associate this with ignoring reality I certainly can't imagine.

Your observation of guys in tight pants requires further research.

WHY DID THEY LOSE???

Dear Tiffani,

Why did they [New England Patriots] lose???

Frank

Dear Frank,

The answer lies in applied mathematics, my friend.

First, addition. The Pats were ahead 34-28 when the Colts scored a touchdown, adding six points, and kicked a point after touchdown, adding one point, totaling 35 points. Then the game ended, and the mathematical concept of "greater than, less than" was applied, in this case 35 (Colts) > (greater than 34 (Pats), so the Colts were deemed to have won! It is so sad that our schools are not teaching the real-world application of subjects like mathematics and sonnet appreciation to America's students.

However, if you had asked me why the Pats went for fourth-and-two on their own 28 and tried a bone-headed one yard pass, my answer might have been different.

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